By Arlene Kleinsorge

As we round out Children’s Cancer Awareness Month this year, the team at Pediatric Cancer Foundation New Jersey is highlighting the principle that when a child is diagnosed, the entire family and social ecosystem around the child is deeply impacted.

The NIH breaks down the variations based on the age of the child diagnosed and provides recommendations and resources for holistic support.

If your child is less than 1 year old: Comfort your baby by holding and gently touching her. Skin-to-skin contact is ideal. Bring familiar items from home, such as toys or a blanket. Talk or sing to your child, since the sound of your voice is soothing. Try to keep up with feeding and bedtime routines as much as possible.

If your child is 1 to 2 years old: Very young children understand things they can see and touch. Toddlers like to play, so find safe ways to let your child play. Toddlers also like to start making choices, so let your child choose a sticker or a flavor of medicine when possible. Prepare your child ahead of time if something will hurt. Not doing so may cause your child to become fearful and anxious.

If your child is 3 to 5 years old: To help your child understand their treatment better, ask the doctor if they can touch the models, machines, or supplies (tubes, bandages, or ports) ahead of time. If a procedure is going to hurt, prepare your child in advance. You can help distract your child by reading a story or giving a stuffed animal to hold.

If your child is 6 to 12 years old: School-aged children understand that medicines and treatments help them get better. They are able to cooperate with treatment but want to know what to expect. Children this age often have many questions, so be ready to answer them or to find the answers together. Relationships are important, so help your child to stay in touch with friends and family.

If your child is a teenager: Teens often focus on how cancer changes their lives—their friendships, their appearance, and their activities. They may be scared and angry about how cancer has isolated them from their friends. Look for ways to help your teen stay connected to friends. Give your teen some of the space and freedom he had before treatment and include him in treatment decisions.

Coping as parents and siblings

These suggestions can help you care for yourself, your children, and your family. Parents often say that their child’s diagnosis feels like a family diagnosis. Here is practical advice to help families cope and stay connected during this challenging time.

Caring for the Caregivers – Parents, Siblings, Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, and More

Relationships and partnerships are strained and under pressure when a child has cancer. However, marriages can also grow stronger during this time. According to the NIH, these insights and recommendations are important to keep in mind:

• Keep lines of communication open:Talk about how you each deal best with stress. Make time to connect, even when time is limited. 
• Remember that no two people cope the same way: Couples often have different coping strategies. If your spouse or partner does not seem as distraught as you, it does not mean he or she is suffering any less than you are. 
• Make time: Even a quick call, text message, or handwritten note can go a long way in making your spouse’s or child’s day a better one.

Get support from family, friends, and people in your community

• Be specific about how people can support your family: Keep a list handy of things that others can do for your family. For example, people can cook, clean, grocery shop, or drive siblings to their activities.
• Join a support group: Some groups meet in person, whereas others meet online. Many parents benefit from the experiences and information shared by other parents.
• Seek professional help: If you are not sleeping well or are depressed, talk with your primary care doctor or people on your child’s health care team. Ask them to recommend a mental health specialist, such as a psychiatrist, psychologist, counselor, or social worker.

Physical, Emotional, and Spiritual Renewal – Rest and Self-Care Make Families Stronger

The NIH also suggests very tangible actions that will help families remain strong – and not burned out.

• Find ways to relax and lower stress: Some parents try something new, such as a yoga or deep-breathing class at the hospital. Others are refreshed by being outdoors, even for short periods. Whatever the method or place, find one that feels peaceful to you. Here are techniques you can use to relax, from a page that’s helpful for both patients and parents alike.
• Fill waiting time: Pick a few activities that you enjoy and can do at the hospital, such as playing a game, reading, writing, or listening to music.
• Stay physically active: Plan to walk, jog, go to the gym, or follow a workout app. Exercising with a friend or family member can make it easier to keep up the routine. If it’s hard to stay physically active at the hospital, try walking up and down the stairs or around the hospital or unit. Physical activity helps to lower stress and can also help you to sleep better at night.

You can learn more about ways to cope and stay strong in Cancer.gov’s childhood cancer guide for parents and in Support for Caregivers of Cancer Patients.

If you or a friend has a child with cancer, please contact me directly (add Reenie’s email). As Family Ambassador for PCFNJ, a two-time cancer survivor, and as a mother and grandmother, I will work with you to understand your specific situation and help bring resources that will make a real difference; you are not alone, and your struggles will be understood and addressed quickly and comprehensively.